Paring Down

I am paring down again...

It is the excess weight this time..

but..

as I say that..

I am paring down in many ways..

excess baggage..

magazines are passed on..

Books too...

things...

but I am really enjoying

seeing some better shape return to my body.

You know you almost give up...

( that is internal excess bags..)

A series of things

were set in place..

not by my design..

as was when I started to emotional feed.

it just happened !!!

Now with a few adjustments

one being a hard walk from a day I got incredible angry with a dear dear friend...

that released a lot of baggage in one lovely piece of writing..

I reclaimed my spirit... my focus..

my strong under current determination..

And things began to measure up much better...

So happy..

I also feel much better especially after the walk..

today is a glorious morning...

and the walk was a longer one..

each time my body struggles less..

& I feel stronger..

That and a few less things on the plate...

although I noted how fast that crept back in last week as I worked on a little hard problem..

there there it said eat a chocolate....add that extra yummy bit to the plate..

So I walked harder....

and here I am...

Now I am going to pare down some other things that are weighing me down...

It's so exciting...

Swans on my way in yesterday

Been away to Daylesford...

What a countryside contrast...

I was in the hills, trees laden with golden leaves... distinct chill in the air..

Winter in it's colder spots..

Loved it..

There is something refreshing about the first chill coming off the snow enough kilometers for it not to impede the daily routine.

One needs proper winter woolies though...sheep are so generous giving up such gorgeous warm fleece..

while they shiver in those wide open spaces....or swelter in summer.

On a whim whilst the day was  heading into an early evening..

I had a physic reading.. on my way back to the car after posting some parcels..

My my was I blown away with what is me !

My palm has a lot of data imprinted on it !!!

Things if one was having a mild guess would not hit..I think.

How I move & the urge to be at the beach, then the country & later closer to a city...

and that I'll move more... ( of course I knew that ! ) 

The artistic lifestyle & way of viewing the world  and a long lifeline..

Gives me so much grace...to pursue more.

++++++++

Amazing... I came out of there with a n overall view of who I am..the sum of all the parts..

it was such a morale boost...I felt I had arrived !!! If you get what I mean...

I must admit today I have been flat... a little news after I arrived in last night..

the external things that intrude into my peace...

Also when one has been away...

coming back 

is always an adjustment.

So adjust I shall...

a shower with my divine Italian soaps...I still have those in my life.... it is that delicious defined perfume & suds..that start my days...love them & how t makes me feel ...

I think a boiled egg & some toast..

will be fodder for my soul today...

a brisk walk...

a little sweeping & mopping

& 

unpacking my bags...

&

 then I will find the paint brush....

it's nice to live this way but there are times..

adjusting back seems kind of boring !

Oh well today is not the day to make plans

I am too too irrational..

Enjoy the swans I found on the trip in late yesterday

in a field that had the last of the water irrigation allocation...on it..

A New View...

Do you ever find that one day you see something...

read something....

and

the view becomes so clear...

It amazes you that you have never seen the ordinary daily view

like that before...

glimpses of course...

This view frees the heart 

& 

the soul in just one look...

You are able to view further along now 

& 

see all those silly weeds 

can be 

cleared quickly

and 

a pathway once it has been cleared...

and 

see you later 

I am off to explore 

this lovely, lovely 

openness

to see where it can take me..

I almost forget...

Yesterday I drove to the next larger town for some supplies

and

found a DVD...

with Maggie Smith, Billy Connolly etc..good cast 

Directed by Dustin Hoffman

in ( his debut)

QUARTET

is the movie...

Brilliant...it is a retirement home for opera musicians..

it is a feel great movie for baby boomers.

It paves ways to see the world with renewed eyes...

It has an under title

On Growing old /Feeling younger. 

I enjoyed the interviews as much as the movie.

Dustin Hoffman is 73 or 74 when he directed this & his approached was unique, risky & by gosh it worked..

It is so fantastic to see age in this light.

I am so young in comparison..

**
 

So what did I come here to 

talk of..... ?????

Growing Old & Feeling Younger...

 

Creativity as a way of life gives one some unique views of the world.

It is Mother's Day today..

I am not a mother.

My own Mother is dead..

So fluffy slippers & chocolates and having family embrace a mother

is not something I do.

 

What was interesting on Friday...

a lovely shop assistant asked if I was doing something special at the weekend.

I thought " when is the weekend??" 

(working for oneself with one's own hours weekends are any of the days between Monday & Sunday)

"No I say...& shrug ..."

"You will enjoy your Mother's day... "

ASSUMPTION

( we really should be aware of the assumption for so many reasons.. 

younger women wanting so badly to be a Mum, 

the women who gave up babies for forced adoption....
Mum's who have lost their only child

women whose Mum's have passed on...

etc etc )

But I thought for one second, then said

I am not a mother

and my Mother is dead. 

I thought it was time to give one the right answer...

to these endless commercial days...
which are nearly akin to a CLUB...
for all the like people..

Marketing at it's best it has convinced the society...

Now why am I rattling on like this...?
growing older.... LOL

The core of life is about being unique, and being able to be that in society.

Growing into a teenager in 1960 the changes were profound for women...each week we edged closer to being unique individuals..

not a bulk packaged of expected outcomes...

that most of us were not....

Being on the cusp of a major change some were, as our parents & the education & the church did hope...

But,many of us... we just did some amazing break throughs

Baby boomers have that energy...
if perhaps they strove for a better deal...back then...has given them an insight into it can happen if one sets out to seek & find !

& the Movie QUARTET just brought that home again...

There is no NORMAL ...
it is far far more fun to make it what you will & having some like minded company is better...best.. ?

I hear maybe an owl

I best explain this amazing work of art I had in my lounge...

on loan...

while the wood heater that sits below was taken off for repair.

Imagine my surprise after the men left I strolled into the lounge expecting the flue to have been removed also..

to see this amazing work of art.

It had a certain real artistic quality & I think in a huge art space or garden it would be stunning.

I am not being smart in saying that...

At night something of a monotone half barks ... stops if one goes to listen outdoors

Maybe it is an owl...

they do live in the area & I have certainly heard them in summer.

It seems to be too constant for a small bark of a dog...

Maybe it is a bird...ah there is a tall cypress tree nearby...

Be kind of nice to see it though !

The days are cooling down ..and my electric blanket has found it's way back on the bed,

and

firewood has been ordered...

an electric heater has been pulled from storage...

&

I keep falling asleep on the couch at night

IF

I don't do anything with my hands...

I gave myself whiplash last week ... sitting there upright..

head swaying about...

.......

On that note I will go before I say way too much ! 

Puff ...& they scatter

Sometimes what we view as a bunch of weeds...

come to be pictures with much beauty & detail..

These are stars within stars..

I was walking along the creek & channel banks... there are both together...under the gum trees, some I walked under as a teenager.. they are still there...as are a lot of the native vegetation.

Wonder ...ing now what does that all mean?

Not much I guess...but give me time...

There has been an amazing series I think is the better word for what has happened...in the past month or so..

Progress of a much different kind...

sometimes though I stand still

&

sometimes I need to talk it through with special friends..

....

In my creative business there has been a huge shift & I never saw that coming...

Very excited for myself...

bit scared it is like these dandelions things puff of wind & it is all scattered..but that is also a normal feeling

as the 

compass rebalances.

Eciting, thrilling, scarey & try to remain calm..try to ctrique each event..

&

where is this leading me too???? 

Today is Special

The day has begun very early as light from an amazing April full moon beat on my blinds...so naturally at 5.30 am I took it to be later with the lightness of the room.

"The French Cat" book... 

for any cat adorer as I am, this is the most perfect book. 

The pot of lavender,of course another of the I adore things...

so beautiful with all those flowers.

I have begun to walk & eat less in earnest....

Do I feel pleased to be doing this....

It just feels so good...

Bad habits crept in over a few years....

Habits at times I could always get away with...

not now I hate to admit...

Once people anguished that I was too thin..

My dear older friend Dot ..who has passed on..

Would be surprised... she always wanted to me to have a little more weight....

It means to me a lot about nurturing the soul..

What we plan for our meals...it is the delicate balance of freshly prepared foods, laid on a pretty plate...table set beautifully....

When I step outdoors to walk... it is about focus..

as well as embracing the scenes I come across..

Each day, even in a small town scenes are different.

Besides I have changed my walking routes not to be bored.

It is also about the care in dressing and in makeup...

It all counts.

.....

All very well being engrossed in the passion of creativity..

but that is a sedentary lifestyle

as is driving about the countryside...

Aha I need to think today as I walk...

how to replan my lifestyle...

I do this often...

it excites me...

it sometimes sends signals to others than I am going off the radar..

How not to assume !

Autumn Days

Autumn days, I really enjoy...

as the season change 

& 

we shift gears to adapt.

I wonder if my wood fireplace will be mended in time for me to enjoy a snug home 

or 

will I move from room to room for warmth?

I have shifted into another gear myself..

one I have been trying to meander around... you may understand the sort of thing..

go around it..it stays

go away from it... still there

just leave it alone... but it has a shadow ....

Doing that for so long it is hard to adapt to a new way.

Suddenly, one event lead to the opening up of this entire block..

I thought each was connected just by the sequenced events 

&

 had set them in my mind...

but

they really had layered over & over like some collage

 that had not looked so interesting

 or nice...

 just messy.

The last few days..

each phase has opened up 

as I moved in the direction

to speak the truth 

I think that is what it was ???

Like a flower that bursts into bloom

opening one petal at a time..

Such an interesting flower...

I have been excited to watch each petal uncurl...

a little creased from being wound up for so long..

Today...

the gloss 

of days of 

learning...

have now settled & I think the last petal  is opening....

it is the one that makes the entire flower work in it's unique way...

Who knows ?

It may well be destiny...

Actually that is what began this ...

I was sure I had decided to make my way to the beach to live again

&

A friend had a short lease she wanted to break at the beach... seemed perfect.

Even though 

at this beach place I had visited  4 times 

and every time I would experience a defined gut reaction & a voice would loom into my head

"I don't think this is the place for you" 

First I took that on board..

but

 much later relooked at things

&

this process would sneak up on me as I drove in the area...same gut reaction & words.

I was going to just ignore this & was ready to leap forward..

When some mix up with dates & the way to work

gave me pause for thought

& it wouldn't work for me...

plus then I thought felt ..... is this the final don't go..

So I declined the beach & in doing that the entire area just stopped being what I wanted...

further opportunities open up in the same area the next day

but I could not move forward...could not move my feet...to get motivated.

As much as it was awkward for me to say I can't go there to my friend..

It was exactly what I needed to heed...why ?

But it gave me some peace...

in that respect....

so began the process of saying what I want !

Some flower this is !!!

   

Flowers on a journey back home

I was driving back from a trip to the city 

deciding to find a shop I had seen advertised in a  magazine

in Woodend.

I found the shop called Bodywise... fantastic !!!

I also found these flowers...

I knew where to look at the green grocers where the flowers sit outside ...

always a brilliant display at an equally brilliant price....

It was a pleasant interlude stopping off there ...

Because the next stage of the drive sure does things to one's head.!!!

The eeriest thing is coming to road works.... on the flat long roads... at least 100 km like this..

Yesterday I stopped at a red light in the middle of the above sort of spot....

way in the distance the road works were going on...

Then I travelled solo when the light turned to green...

and 

invariably this happens ..as I near the end ..one of the work trucks or machinery things start coming towards me...

it's like no other feeling I can describe...

except..

I saw cars waiting to go along the road..stopped at the other red light...

then it's change up gears foot flat & gone....

Jars

 There is something about jars

Transparency perhaps...

Which brings my thoughts to people...

being an avid observer ...of people.

I not only note stuff, I seem to store it,

sometimes I rifle through it...

or just look from afar.

Like putting things into glass jars for a different look...

*

This topic comes about as I make noises to people I will probably move in a while...

Being a gypsy of sorts it's part of me..

In the jar I see the friends who that is not at all part of them..

How different we are..

They worry 

I need to settle down somewhere..

The money you spend each time you move...

I clutter their address books...

You have only just got here..

Why??? they cry.

***

They worry for what ??? 

it's usually words.. out of their own fear of being semi transient... nomadic...or having to move.
****

When my Mother was dying she said

"I'm okay about dying"

She said more words..

BUT 
it was CONFRONTING for me

as she managed her life 

in death 

as in her living 

& was flipping things around
 inside her mind for it to be ok..

OK for those around her..

*

In that hospital room...

(I had just driven in from the city to her country hospital bedside)

She chatted on...

Her death was only days & very suddenly had she become very ill... so it was a strange space... Mum was a fit woman & it seemed she would live at least another 10 decent years
But no 

I had this cold shiver go right down to my toes..

Wake up call...

Oh my goodness, there I go... 

I do the the same as my mother.  

And I thought I had learnt this technique from books !!! 

*** 

Something inside me said

I am not going to live the rest of my life in this way...

I think it was the confrontation of death of mother...

It was also confrontation that I didn't really know this woman in her thinking ways...

and  you know

there was so little time...
****
Opportunites lost in mundane chatter at times

So now I move...

***

I often go back to Mum with her soothing the waters ( trying to ) in the home all her life it seemed ...

and 
if something disturbs me nowadays...

I think... 

Do I want to live this way or here & be treated this way...or sweat all summer etc ..eat dirt..because it blows on everything 

etc etc..

You see I have a choice ...

Mum didn't always...
**

BUT in her last 20 years

if there was a bus trip out of town she was on it !

She did meander... 

a lot when the opportunity arose...

But she didn't have the funds always to relocate ....