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Friday, April 26, 2013

Today is Special


The day has begun very early as light from an amazing April full moon beat on my blinds...so naturally at 5.30 am I took it to be later with the lightness of the room.

"The French Cat" book... 
for any cat adorer as I am, this is the most perfect book. 
The pot of lavender,of course another of the I adore things...
so beautiful with all those flowers.

I have begun to walk & eat less in earnest....
Do I feel pleased to be doing this....
It just feels so good...
Bad habits crept in over a few years....
Habits at times I could always get away with...
not now I hate to admit...
Once people anguished that I was too thin..
My dear older friend Dot ..who has passed on..
Would be surprised... she always wanted to me to have a little more weight....

It means to me a lot about nurturing the soul..
What we plan for our meals...it is the delicate balance of freshly prepared foods, laid on a pretty plate...table set beautifully....
When I step outdoors to walk... it is about focus..
as well as embracing the scenes I come across..
Each day, even in a small town scenes are different.
Besides I have changed my walking routes not to be bored.

It is also about the care in dressing and in makeup...
It all counts.
.....
All very well being engrossed in the passion of creativity..
but that is a sedentary lifestyle
as is driving about the countryside...
Aha I need to think today as I walk...
how to replan my lifestyle...
I do this often...
it excites me...
it sometimes sends signals to others than I am going off the radar..
How not to assume !



Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Autumn Days


Autumn days, I really enjoy...
as the season change 
we shift gears to adapt.

I wonder if my wood fireplace will be mended in time for me to enjoy a snug home 
or 
will I move from room to room for warmth?


I have shifted into another gear myself..
one I have been trying to meander around... you may understand the sort of thing..
go around it..it stays
go away from it... still there
just leave it alone... but it has a shadow ....
Doing that for so long it is hard to adapt to a new way.


Suddenly, one event lead to the opening up of this entire block..
I thought each was connected just by the sequenced events 
&
 had set them in my mind...
but
they really had layered over & over like some collage
 that had not looked so interesting
 or nice...
 just messy.


The last few days..
each phase has opened up 
as I moved in the direction
to speak the truth 
I think that is what it was ???
Like a flower that bursts into bloom
opening one petal at a time..
Such an interesting flower...
I have been excited to watch each petal uncurl...
a little creased from being wound up for so long..
Today...
the gloss 
of days of 
learning...
have now settled & I think the last petal  is opening....
it is the one that makes the entire flower work in it's unique way...
Who knows ?
It may well be destiny...
Actually that is what began this ...
I was sure I had decided to make my way to the beach to live again
&
A friend had a short lease she wanted to break at the beach... seemed perfect.
Even though 
at this beach place I had visited  4 times 
and every time I would experience a defined gut reaction & a voice would loom into my head
"I don't think this is the place for you" 
First I took that on board..
but
 much later relooked at things
&
this process would sneak up on me as I drove in the area...same gut reaction & words.
I was going to just ignore this & was ready to leap forward..
When some mix up with dates & the way to work
gave me pause for thought
& it wouldn't work for me...
plus then I thought felt ..... is this the final don't go..
So I declined the beach & in doing that the entire area just stopped being what I wanted...
further opportunities open up in the same area the next day
but I could not move forward...could not move my feet...to get motivated.
As much as it was awkward for me to say I can't go there to my friend..
It was exactly what I needed to heed...why ?
But it gave me some peace...
in that respect....
so began the process of saying what I want !
Some flower this is !!!



   


Friday, April 19, 2013

Flowers on a journey back home

I was driving back from a trip to the city 
deciding to find a shop I had seen advertised in a  magazine
in Woodend.
I found the shop called Bodywise... fantastic !!!
I also found these flowers...
I knew where to look at the green grocers where the flowers sit outside ...
always a brilliant display at an equally brilliant price....
It was a pleasant interlude stopping off there ...

Because the next stage of the drive sure does things to one's head.!!!
The eeriest thing is coming to road works.... on the flat long roads... at least 100 km like this..
Yesterday I stopped at a red light in the middle of the above sort of spot....
way in the distance the road works were going on...
Then I travelled solo when the light turned to green...
and 
invariably this happens ..as I near the end ..one of the work trucks or machinery things start coming towards me...
it's like no other feeling I can describe...
except..
I saw cars waiting to go along the road..stopped at the other red light...
then it's change up gears foot flat & gone....

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Jars

 There is something about jars
Transparency perhaps...
Which brings my thoughts to people...
being an avid observer ...of people.
I not only note stuff, I seem to store it,
sometimes I rifle through it...
or just look from afar.
Like putting things into glass jars for a different look...
*
This topic comes about as I make noises to people I will probably move in a while...
Being a gypsy of sorts it's part of me..
In the jar I see the friends who that is not at all part of them..


How different we are..


They worry 
I need to settle down somewhere..
The money you spend each time you move...
I clutter their address books...
You have only just got here..
Why??? they cry.
***
They worry for what ??? 
it's usually words.. out of their own fear of being semi transient... nomadic...or having to move.
****
When my Mother was dying she said
"I'm okay about dying"
She said more words..
BUT 
it was CONFRONTING for me
as she managed her life 
in death 
as in her living 
& was flipping things around
 inside her mind for it to be ok..
OK for those around her..
*
In that hospital room...
(I had just driven in from the city to her country hospital bedside)
She chatted on...
Her death was only days & very suddenly had she become very ill... so it was a strange space... Mum was a fit woman & it seemed she would live at least another 10 decent years
But no 
I had this cold shiver go right down to my toes..
Wake up call...
Oh my goodness, there I go... 
I do the the same as my mother.  
And I thought I had learnt this technique from books !!! 
*** 
Something inside me said
I am not going to live the rest of my life in this way...
I think it was the confrontation of death of mother...
It was also confrontation that I didn't really know this woman in her thinking ways...
and  you know
there was so little time...
****
Opportunites lost in mundane chatter at times
So now I move...
***
I often go back to Mum with her soothing the waters ( trying to ) in the home all her life it seemed ...
and 
if something disturbs me nowadays...
I think... 

Do I want to live this way or here & be treated this way...or sweat all summer etc ..eat dirt..because it blows on everything 
etc etc..
You see I have a choice ...
Mum didn't always...
**
BUT in her last 20 years
if there was a bus trip out of town she was on it !
She did meander... 
a lot when the opportunity arose...
But she didn't have the funds always to relocate ....