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Sunday, August 31, 2014

Weekend Away

A glorious sunshine weekend followed after a dental clean & shine on Friday in the city
a drive to Cowes to spend some days...
Yesterday was the Vietnam veterans war museum visit.
Which is quite amazing.

I personally do get quite angry at war memorials as it is to me never wonderful.
This is the disruption to young people's lives
The rest of us partying a lot.
During the time I lived in Brisbane many were waiting to go from National Conscription Service to perhaps Vietnam.
The contrast of the life before they left to what they endured because a stupid Govt sent them..
Is so confronting & we were all quite ignorant.
When the guys came back on leave or brought home ...
it was wonderful but we assumed they's adapt back to the life of freedom.
This stuff says we should never send people to war 
Why fight.... surely these decisions for a nation to engage in war is a political decision.... 
Sorry but it all leaves me with a grim feeling when war has been glorified ever .
But some of the museum pieces showed how vulnerable they were..or the size of the machinery & the ships & how little some of the helicopters were..



Wednesday, August 27, 2014

That book


I was reading in the sun..beautiful sun that warms one after a winter....
my jaded soul in some ways this week...
You know where some "friends" kind of let you down...
and 
have such an expectation you like what they do to you....
and 
one is left knowing that to move on is critical.


That it isn't what you did but what was done to you


I move on in any ways....
but when I opened these pages some things just made good sense for me.

****
Something More 
by 
Sara Ban Breathnach
&
decided to let chance show me a paragraph to read...
It opened at a chapter titled
STARTING OVER
Then
I moved onto the next one in this sequence...
I just love the words that spilled out of the page

It talks about wrong choices  that are not bad choices..
"We didn't marry the right person or we stayed instead of going etc etc
Life may not have been better with the other choices but it would have been different."
This is critical when making change 
" We don't know if a choice is wise 
or 
wrong until we've lived it"
We can't ever really know where a choice will take us, though we may sense it's direction.
We're torn between agonising should' & should nots.  
An Inner debate rages.
As you gather as much information as you can. 
You weigh the options. 
You ponder the possibilities. 
You brood. 
You probe the probabilities with your best friend. 
You ask your heart. 
You pray for guidance.
Then you take a leap in the dark 
hope you land on your feet.


You live your choice.
You don't look back & see which it was, wise or wrong.
But at least it's a calculated risk, you did the best that you could...."
"It is all that life asks of you, you should ask for nothing more either."

I was so warmed by this... as I ponder several changes in the one bowl...
some work, some lifestyle & some "friends"

I often say today after making several mega choices in a short few years that one doesn't know how the choices one makes will pan out, that one has to live in a community, at the beach in a country spot or a city in a house of one's own, in a rented spot...new or not so new.
We do not know what we are capable of 

It is so nice when I have the company of many good friends who unfortunately are scattered in places I have been & gone or they have moved or died...
as one adapts to changes 
what that brings to us from within.
It is a harder road as one friend disappoints too much to stay there......
who treats one off hand once too often...
but in saying that
I find new people to hang out with...
that holds warmth like this end of winter sun.
Sad I am in some ways, hopeful in others & always thrilled when I see a bird close to me...
That trust... 
brings me back to a happier place.



Thursday, August 21, 2014

Swans

These were on the lake a couple of weeks ago...
with their parents..2 black swans
Look how fluffy they are !!!


I have returned to here after breakfast reading & also now I have the words in my mind.
Last week I picked up my book laying in an odd position on the shelf..
Then I opened SOMETHING MORE by Sara Ban Breathnach
randomly
You know those moments ???
when you are searching for what is next & how to set the course..
well it opened on a chapter called 
"Settling For"
a quote from AmyTan
set the course 
"where sometimes we settle for a passive life
instead of a passionate Life "

In more chapters I read in bed... so excited I could hardly place the book aside to dream & sleep.
I knew though my sub conscious would be busy resorting for a new day...


Another chapter talks about Madonna & her phases of life where she said it is regrowth..not reinventing... 
regrowth sounds more natural
and
 repotting herself.
Just like a favourite pot plant that needs to have the soil loosened or replaced 
 and put into a new pot to continue to grow in one's life
I love that phrase to repot oneself as it sure can spread the mind a bit....
***
These were like signs on a road for me..
Direction and where I could wind my way forward...
signs I left behind that was where I had been.

Sara wrote this book after her fabulous & again life changing book for me
Simple Abundance

I fed so much off Simple Abundance, that when I opened the Something More it wasn't the same..for me then
However, it travelled out of Canberra with me just on 13 years ago now
I opened it at times 
it is exactly where I needed to be..
to read chapters at random
to reconnect with my soul


These books are in print today ... 1998 Something More 
So if you think this is where your life maybe it is worth a read & hold book !
******
I a feeling very grateful for Sara's works
It makes sense ....

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Why is it .....?

 This restless spirit.....
very difficult to quieten 
or 
to satisfy...
 The dreary sunless days are causing my restlessness to a certain extent...
I want to just go to warmth
&
sunshine...
the beach always springs into my mind at these times...
So here we are !!!!

A walk in the bushland today with a friend...& chatter & inspecting the wildflowers that are in out
Sure did help ....
The hooded green orchids are up & budding as is a yellow orchid...wattle...egg & bacon, the green flowering grevillea & eristemons like flowers


Then late today another friend phoned & she was as aimless as me...
I do things but it's the soul that searches for meaning...
and
for motivation.
I think I will relocate...should I...will I go that far...will it be too hot...
last time I lived there the sun made dark pigmentation on my face..
Ponder some more.
Who was that Cleave ancestor with the gypsy blood ????
I sure got that gene LOL
******
On the TV gardening show both of us went off to watch & to find inspiration was one presenter who had a 
DREAM JOURNAL
A sign...!!!!!
(it is something I am considering for a business arm...
There it was in yet another form...)
Dream I shall....
of soft billowing muslin curtains on a gentle warm summer's morn as I step into my timber walled studio filled with the bright light of day.....
Perhaps if we all dream  good dreams all at once it will happen ...

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Trees of Life

I adore naked trees... their form is so intricate or sometimes very open..
This tree & the following one have been about for a few years..
If you could read a tree I wonder what it would tell of it's life...


I didn't log in today to wax lyrical about the trees but it has some relationship to our own lives...
Not for all but for a % of us who have roamed about 
See those branches as they have changed direction, still have strength but then many little branches spring forth...& so it goes on.

My spirit is restless, yet again.
I cannot seem to quieten it...
I have an urge where I basically take flight...
but I get a sense of direction before I go ...
&
there I go flying high, 
soaring above an old life 
to seek a new nest.
Somewhat a migratory style of person I guess, suddenly surprising myself as I write that !

I left my home, & the people I had known all my 19 years, with 2 suitcases & boarded the bus out of town.
Journey used to take 36 hours plus the bus ride to Melbourne.
Once I enjoyed the bus ride but not ever today...
When I stepped off that bus in Brisbane I didn't have a big plan.
Except get a job in my trade preferrably  & a flat to share in.
A new life had begun
& one needs to make the best of what it brings to us.


That journey had some thick branches form that altered my direction... 
and later even altered my profession.
But one paves new pathways

Why am I going back into my past ?
 because of this restlessness now 
 not sure where to set off to..if at all....
looking at what has happened in the past
Is a bit of a bucket of water.
But then, 
that is fear.....
Fear keeps us glued to the one spot...
Funny I left home because I feared...!

As I have wandered in the most recent decade +,
 I have been on a longer inner journey of recognising myself, polishing some sharp bits off... finding a new part of my self.... which then along the way opens out into yet another bit ... the stuff where our own personal resiliances are tested in very different ways. and that ...
Amaze us.

 As much as I try to buffer the political intrusions these days into my life,
 That fear factor that is peddled in every corner is intrusive
I suppose it shows  how vulnerable we are as humans...
&
how much in our current society has lost the humanity.

Time to embrace & time to dream bigger than what is just in front of us today...
I don't know what that means but I am off to ponder it !

Friday, August 1, 2014

When I saw this mossy tree

It was Wednesday....
I had collected my brand new car....
&
drove to Castlemaine to meet a friend for lunch.....
After which we decided a stroll in the park was a good idea...
Dull, clouds low...sort of day but still & this the Botanical Gardens were just wonderful
So many very ancient trees, with pinned signs to say these were were National trust trees.


We walked slowly along the lanes & into the grassy areas by the stream that babbled by.. 
crossing over a road to peer into a huge field with a tall old old sandstone fence.....
patches of white jonquils stood as maybe the only remains of another lifetime
I took many photos.
The trees were bare & so beautiful.


A different afternoon but one where time pauses.
Where one is not distracted by mobile phones ... or bright lights...just pieces of nature 
the sound of my chatter !


I do take the low road on many occasions & when I drift into small communities 
I often just switch off.
No one knows me ( that I am aware of anyway)
I am alert to the place but I am an observer....a sense of the place is plucked & compared to what I have experienced in the past.
It's kind of fun as I am alone to wander..... to talk to a store person if that presents....