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Friday, August 28, 2015

One last Look

The sun is peeking over my fence...after a light frosting overnight.
Today I had decided to go for one last visit....
to the lavender farm..
It will be a lovely morning as I wander amongst the blossoms & buds of the early spring...
with my thoughts on hold...
as I drink in the atmosphere..

It really is a place to dream....

As I mentioned in my other blog yesterday ( cannot keep quite about packing LOL )
A great deal of stuff has now moved on & you know I think happily of my friend taking as much fun in decorating with these odds & sods as I have done...
so for me their life continues on..

I do know it is an illusion that I will be quickly sweeping stuff into my remaining packing boxes 
but the load has now been lightened.


I have to make it all work anyway...!
I guess as I say that, that is certainly one lesson I learnt...
I have to make it work or accept it will not work properly & adapt.
There is a lot of change once one uncouples ....
or for other reasons is in the singular...
Many blessings too... 
you know you get to decide now....
you get to take full responsibility now
It's up to you...
How empowering is that !!!!
It is but it has that other side of contrast...
See today I decide to do take off for a few hours to refresh the tanks of life
with my camera & some lunch....
thinking today I will have a tea at the cafe inside the farm ...
This may be a different scene on the moment...


Every so often I get a sniff of the new air as I begin to kind of sense the feelings...
I can plan what I want to be doing
I can now begin to think a little about a new way for myself..
I do not quite know what that means...
but we will see.

I do need think of this internal barometer as it is a strong part of my makeup ....keeps me company
So I wonder as I position myself into a new balance.

Funny about wandering & meeting people
As a very small child I did this...it formed when I was at least 2, if not hard wired to be just this wandering person....connecting, like a butterfly seeking new flowers & going back to the ones I liked.
I would wander into what was a great  aunt who I only knew as Josie ....
she was old & often in bed when I would knock on the wire front door & she would call out
Come in Barbara.
Her iron bed was so high I could just see her face as we would talk...
On the other side was a muso, he played the banjo in the local band & would spend much small moments singing to me over the wire fence....over the road was a lovely lady who would let me sit in her bath when I knocked on her door stark naked on a hot summer's day..
She told me years later when I returned I would knock on the door & say Bath...
One highlight was to wait on top of the gatepost for one of Dad's friends who walked by each evening on his way home from work....
He would sometimes piggyback me home to his parents house a few doors down, then bring me back home.....
It was later my wings were severely cut in this wandering....
I was always surprised at my father;s outbursts when I was little.
He was a man who wore a belt even on his work trousers & I vividly remember the day ...
I was halfway across the road en route to the lady with the bath...
...when dad drove up in his truck. leapt out, pulled that belt off & whacked it around my small bottom more than once ....  so fast & I was so dismayed that why ? That memory of dismay is still there 
The discipline was sudden & I do not recall being told NO ...
But possibly.
Now today ....
I despise violence, I hate injustices, walk away from bullies, speak up & I also speak out...
and I get to wander...& draw ....& meet wonderful people where ever I go...
You see I have seeked freedom all my life...
Best go the day will be gone  



Monday, August 24, 2015

Boxes


 Oh I need to sit a while 
with my thoughts...
Packing up to move always has many facets to it
The one that has come into focus the past few days 
as I comment on things to friends...
it provokes more meaning for me than them 
I am sure...
This  journey of 14 years has changed who I was when I left ACT..
and one would hope that to be true as many lane ways I strolled up...
I am curious... I go to see ...
Have I seen enough ???
Once one skins does a shiver thing & you feel as if you have been whacked on the side of the head
& you know your skin doesn't fit you anymore one cannot return to that life...
It happens in a second ...
But you cannot go back...
Keep going forward is the only option..
That is what happened to me 14 years ago ...

Now I am returning....
Excited ...
well moving is an energy, a time of reflection, a holding pattern time too....
so many unknowns even in known spots
I returned to where I was born more often than I care to admit...but in response the other evening to a friend...
I now have that real sense of this is where I came from.....not where I had run from ( at 19 )
Much in that sentence....
but it has a really lovely settling feel....
if my friend had not been flippant.... maybe I would have not articulated that so well.

This morning another friend was wishing me positive thoughts on my move & as much as I shall miss this friend...I agreed it is positive I feel.
I then said...
I am not the same person who left there 14 years ago...
&
hence I pondered....
well i have gathered those thoughts 
to munch over & analyse in my silent packing moments ....
because that is the boring bit...
I seem to have accumulated a lot of stuff...that really is going to the op shop...
follow that trail....LOL 

Well perhaps now I have some strength to fill another carton.... while I panic to how many I said were going for the moving quote...see not that easy is it LOL

Friday, August 21, 2015

Boxes are about now

Yesterday Millie's quilt went into the packing box....as I prepare the pack up.
There is always sorting to be done....
Think I would have learnt by now !!!
I do live a slimmer life these days 
BUT....
downsizing never is simple.
***
It is unfortunate that I had to cancel the Gembrook Quilt Show on Sept 5th..
I have uplift a few days after this so 
EVERTHING 
must be in 
cartons 
taped 
labelled...
for the storage & journey it takes without me
~~~~~
This is also why I don't work on any orders as the stock has to gone down into cartons also..
brushes, pens, paints, the aprons...I work in...
the raw stock of wood things & the paper patterns..
~~~~

To travel into & over to the other side of the city is for me is a 2 night sleep over.... 
as things need to unpacked & ready to open in a show 
& then after the show one needs to sleep..not drive...
besides I don't see well driving in the dark in unlit big freeways ....
The last week is critical in different ways to now..


I fret over what I can fit in my car... it is small & really looks shrunken at times like this....I have not fully moved with this little car....
I fret over the boxes are labelled, the junk left to squash into bins ..trips to op shop....
I still need to cook & live "normally" in this time 
Yesterday was an odd morning with the phone company once more mucking up.
This time was most peculiar as when the time of cut off & connect came through the cut off was 
21 July  ??????
&
The new phone number was an 03  Victorian number not an ACT 02 prefix...
So on the phone I was early to fix these mistakes.
Well because mistakes it had to be a case manager who would call me.... so I said 1pm as I had an appointment to go to 
&
I despise this waiting for the call back...
1pm I am painting santas & I realise that I need a calm body to paint other wise I got over edges as the work is so detailed...& not easily repaired.

1.10pm is all the time I allow for bad service &wait time.
I call the number I am given & give my date of birth for a 100th time....
(constant reminder of my age !!! )
Flippant on holiday style staff begin to take me on a dance ...
but like some reluctant dog that refuses to be dragged along ..there was me ...
Because I had done this yesterday there were errors & I told you that so I want it fixed now no one needs to call me back again because the call back was also detailed to 2pm & I reiterated that 3 times initially.......
I also thought of the jobs that Australians could be doing for the national phone carrier instead of been battered by the political folk because they do not have jobs & the jobs are off shore...
He tried poor chap to shove me off but I refused to be treated on a when I am ready situation.
Finally a local came on the line
Now things are "being fixed "
But the 03 phone number was my old old Cohuna phone number like 7 or 8 years ago or more ???
How spooky is that as someone else had the number the information on my page said...
Of course this will cost me more because I will need to possibly use my mobile more because I don't have much confidence in the land line being operational as I requested... as there is more to this....connect & disconnect now...
&
I will need a portable stick to be on line...it'll work but it is $100 or more by the time they all faff about....



Thursday, August 13, 2015

I am very excited


As the air stirs around me in the welcome of change...
excitement mounts....
The removalist is engaged...
the cleaners are organised 
&
already the windows are cleaned.
much to do...
A tiny squeak of apprehension peeks in every now & then...


One friend who I have known since we both toddled about our gardens 
was the only one who i did not surprise of my choice to return..
She must know me well as she often surprises me with statements of facts ..
We spend short bursts of time together & a quick call but those bonds are just amazing.
I will miss some of the old friends I have refound over the years..
But I have been so lucky to reconnect with many...and we wander along now util one of us falls of the perch I should think. 

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Wait is Long....

The journey wanders along 
&
now I balance between
excitement
preparation for perhaps disappointment
preparing also for lots of .... ??? balancing acts
You know this is liken to watching the fruit form on a tree...
as it changes 
&
all is left is to ripen...
keep the birds from snacking...
watching the days develop 
from green to golden 

I am here this morning
Like these cherries... beginning a new life...
waiting for more sun to finish the process..


I always mull stuff over....before I ever speak of it....
when I make some announcement it appears as if it has been a sudden decision
but it takes many stirring....much thinking....weighing up.... to hell with it...
I dive into the clear water.....
then I wait....
things take time & processes are there...
but as I write I think of all the stuff that is now so close I can almost touch it again
The blackbirds sing more loudly in this place...
Spring beckons
I should know most by this afternoon....
A dear friend is helping me out today.......

These pictures come from Lavendula in Hepburn Springs ( well so close ) it is one of the most amazing places to stroll with a camera

Sunday, August 9, 2015

wandering in ...

I was pondering the wilderness of change...it is liken to the daunting task of how to get through the messy bits...
Clearing your own pathway to another view of life !
Do I just duck under the bracken & continue on...
the path I am on now ends soon... maybe one can keep pushing the obstacles
 or begin the new journey...
roll up the sleeves...
write the ideas ...
the wants..
the must haves...
the compromises..
the joys...
the plod stuff
and
maybe things will take shape
 I think it is starting to look like order is back into life...
the wilderness has been cleared...
productivity is in full swing...
&
a certain serenity instills in the soul


Friday, August 7, 2015

SINGING SOFTLY

As spring edges a little closer & I hear the birds early in the pre dawn morning...
I too am stirring from the cold miserable winter...
Looking about me....
Thinking of the challenges ahead
Hoping all will be good satisfying easy things....

I have a certain urgency that kind of tips me from my comfy chair...
to do things to be with people 
be places...
to not waste a day..


On saying that, it is not wasting a day to sit in the spring sunshine when it comes for an entire day..
Surrounded by cups of tea.... 
morning tea... 
lunch....
more cups of tea, huge glasses of water..
magazines...
&
 books 
that tell me of other people's stories
idly watching the bees drink in my lavenders ...

Stirring from a longer winter than we have just waited out.

Today I have already chosen a 
NOTE BOOK 
to write an entire plan in...
It'll be just jottings on different pages...
Bucket List of a different kind..I suppose.
I am not into doing things to cross them off my list..
I do things I want to experience...
To put a different meaning into my life thus far...

So as the winter days stirs me... 
I feel I have some indulgent time to write it all from my mind onto the page. 
There are some advantages of being who I am.